I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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