let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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