Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
