she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
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