I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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