He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
