This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
