I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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