we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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