I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
