Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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