she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
