I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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