youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
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