I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
