i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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