My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
