but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Damn victory sex feels great
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
