I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
