My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
