My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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