Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Randomize
