dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
