I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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