yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
What drink are we having for lunch?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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