We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
