College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
