It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
