I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
