I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
