I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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