Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
