I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
You've changed since you got that strap on
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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