she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
The air taste purple.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
