If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
