Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
