Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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