I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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