I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
