I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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