i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
false alarm. still invincible.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
