also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
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