this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
So many bounce houses so little time
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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