i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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