Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
