I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
