EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
