how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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