nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
