My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Randomize
