There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
